Pardon Me

as I barf on your shoes.

I currently have the night shift sickies. They usually strike around 4 or 5 am, resulting from I don't know what. I haven't been afflicted with the sickies in a long time, I thought it was a rookie all-nighter thing, and since I most decidedly am not an all-nighter rookie I thought I was past this stage.

But given the green colour of my gills it seems that I am not.

It could be the coffee. I don't drink caffeinated beverages because they were messing with my system and I'd get home after working all night and not be able to sleep - now that's a frustrating feeling.

But tonight I had a large cafe mocha from Timmy's, and that's what I'm gonna blame.

The night shift sickies is basically just nausea, a rock in your stomach, sensitivity to light, an inability to make rational decisions and general tomfoolery of the nervous system. It looks different for different people, but it always involves nausea. Some people get really cold and shaky, I get too warm... Basically, it sucks.

Speaking of barfing on people's shoes - a few years ago I was visiting with my aunt and uncle in Tennessee on my way home from Alabama. It was Easter weekend, and my flight was scheduled to leave on Tuesday morning.

Sunday afternoon we went to their friends house so the little ones could hunt for eggs over and over and over again. I wasn't feeling so hot, but I chalked it up to the nap I had had, since napping makes me feel yucky.

Why I didn't associate my upset tummy with the stomach flu those same little ones had recovered from a day before I arrived, I'll never know.

So we're sitting in the living room about to enjoy some Papa John's Hawaiian pizza. Things are gurgly, but I'm tough, so I ignore it.

I took one bite and knew it was over. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to make it to any kind of socially acceptable barf receptacle, so floor it was. I did however, in my manic state, try to block the flow with the lady's throw pillow, which now seems like an odd choice given the absorbency of said pillow. Later she told me she didn't care because it was from her mother-in-law. Glad I could help.

The little kids start crying, the adults start gagging. But thankfully my uncle is a nurse, and he adeptly dealt with the mess my guts had created.

It wasn't a good scene.

I then threw up every twenty minutes for the next 24 hours, so I didn't have much time to feel guilty. I moved my flight two weeks forward too, because I was in no condition to fly. So thanks to my disgestive fireworks I was able to see Graceland and the Memphis Zoo... not a bad deal!

Note to self: talking about barfing is the worst thing you can do when feeling barfy...